Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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