Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
