i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
