last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
ttyl tear gas
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
