went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize