Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
