is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
