did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
