Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
