Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
