i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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