I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
