so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
