smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
