its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
