I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
