I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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