when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
