mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Soap is not a condiment
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
