I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You had me at "let me see your balls"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
