Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
