I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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