Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
