every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
