Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
