it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
