I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
