he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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