i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
