you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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