it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
