i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
i think i just lost a toe
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
