I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
