Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
