i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
