Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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