She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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