So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
