I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
