no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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