i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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