Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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