Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
