Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
