Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
