trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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