Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
