Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
