Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
