It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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