Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Randomize