The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
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I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
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They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.