im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.