I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
you mean i was at the winter classic?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?