Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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