One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
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More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.