yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
