just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
