My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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