thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
