She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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