I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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