I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
