The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
