Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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