Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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