mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
