i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
i love accidental penises.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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