I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
