Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
