if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
