Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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