im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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