Are we in a gay sports bar?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
