i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
