I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
