Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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