don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
