Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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