dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
