Who wears a wallet chain?!
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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