Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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