I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
