Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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