Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
