nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
