it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
