I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
