i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
