i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
don't judge my taste in strippers
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
